Gallery of the Five Year-Old



A scene from "Gallery of the Five Year-Old"

MAN enters a busy art gallery. Other gallery goers mill about, ogling the artwork
and sipping free chardonnay. Man pauses, looking admiringly at a distinctive
piece of artwork. ARTIST approaches him.

Man: Are you the artist?

Artist: Yes. Well, one of them.

Man: I love your work.

Artist: Thanks.

Man: So, tell me about this one?

Artist: I call it, “Piece of Wood with Three Nails.”

Man: Interesting. Tell me about your process here.

Artist: I hammered three nails into a board. I used to hammer them in the middle, but sometimes they wouldn’t stay in so I started hammering them into the end and they sticked so now I hammer them into the end.

Man: And what are you trying to say with this piece?

Artist: Charlie Axelbaum hammered four nails into his board but two fell out.

Man: Have you thought about how you’d like to see it displayed? Is it an interactive piece? Does it
belong on a wall? Is it more of a sculpture?

Artist: Don’t put it in my backpack because it might poke holes in my papers.

Man: Okay. Now, what about this one over here? I see you’ve used both construction paper and pipe cleaners? Do you like to work with mixed media?

Artist: It’s the sacred flute of Ninjago.

Man: I see.

Artist: Here. Watch me blow it.

Artist makes hummy whistling noise while moving his lips back and forth along
the pipe cleaners.

Man: Beautiful. May I try it?

Artist: No.

Man: I’m sorry. Is it just for display?

Artist: No. It’s just for Ninjagos.

Man: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to presume.

Artist: Sensei Wu used it to cure Cole of Skales' Hypnobrai Hypnotism while the ninja, who were 
brainwashed, fought over Lloyd's Treehouse Fortress.

Man: It makes quite a statement.

                Artist gestures at another work.

Artist: Look at this one.

Man: Is it a peace sign?

Artist: Yeah.

Man: I love it.

Artist: I cut it out with kid scissors but I got tired of coloring it. That’s why it’s only colored in at the bottom.

Man: It seems like you’re trying to say that peace is something that we never stop working on.

Artist: No. I just stopped. Also my pen was kind of drying out. But mostly I just got bored.

Man: Are you working on anything new?

Artist: Yes.

Man: Can you tell me about it?

Artist: No.

Man: You prefer to keep your work private until it’s ready to be shown?

Artist: Do you have a cheese stick?

Man: I might. Let me check.

Artist: I made something with toothpicks, but the glue wasn’t dry yet.

Man: Sounds interesting. Maybe I can see it tomorrow?

Artist: Maybe.

Man: I’d be honored.

Artist: Me, too.

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